Balance

(Originally posted 4/23/2013)

Balance.  That one word is so heavy sometimes it throws me out of balance.  How do we do it?  How are we supposed to be a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, a chef, and include anything that helps us just be ourselves.  The person we were before we were any of those things….and the person we’ve become because of those things.

I believe so many people think they are selfish if they try to do something for themselves every once in a while.  I am one of those.  If I get an hour of reading in one day, I go to bed thinking that I just lost one hour with one of my kids.  Even though, I made sure they got three meals and an infinite number of snacks, we built the tallest tower out of legos, and played soccer and swimming for hours.

Why when I only do laundry and clean bathrooms, do I feel lazy if I spend some time on the computer checking blogs or looking up pretty fabrics and furniture?

I am always seeking for that perfect balance.  I want to be able to include everything in my life in an equal amount.  I want to work a little to help contribute.  I want to write a little to get these stories out of my head and onto paper.  I want to read a little so I can lose myself in a world that isn’t my own.

But my own world is the one I am in love with.  I want my kids to remember me as a fun and loving mother.  I want my husband to come home to a clean house and a smiling wife.  I want my friends to count on me and know that I appreciate them.

I want to be everything for everyone.

This weekend I took a big step for me and spent a whole day on something just for me.  I went to the LA Times Festival of books.  It was like Disneyland at Christmas for me.  I got to spend time with others who enjoy what I do, participate in panels, and meet some pretty cool authors.

One of those authors was Orson Scott Card.  (How Cool Is That?) My friend put in a question at his panel, asking him how he balances everything, with the kind of profession that he has.  His answer?

You don’t.  You decide each day what is the most important for that day, and let go of the the things that aren’t.

That really resonated with me.  He didn’t say those things weren’t important.  He just said that each day, the importance of things change.

Some days the kids and I will cuddle up on the couch and read books together and alone.  Some days we are so busy we live in and out of the car.

And I know that that is okay.  I am going to make a list each day of what I feel is important for me and my family and go from there.  Each day will change.  Each day will be different.  And each day I will find happiness and balance.

(Just for fun, here’s some pics of my fun day out :))